Friday, October 30, 2009

BFFs - really?

I had dinner tonight with my BFF....  I laugh when I say that because we've been friends for over 20 years...... and in those 20 years we have been through SO much together- but we've never been BFFs. We consider each other sisters (neither of us have), but we're not the call each other everyday, lets go shopping kind of friends.  We're the of "911" kind of friends - we have a pact where if one of us ever texts 911 it means that we need each other immediately - drop whatever you are doing, wherever you are - I need you and ONLY you because only you will understand the crisis I am going through.  Our husbands are actually the BFF talk to you everyday kind of friends.

We met as young women who thought we knew and had it all. We laugh at the girls we were and take pride in the women we've become.  We also confide in each other about the "BFFs" that come into each of our lives. (Ironically, my bff just text me). Our families consider each other family, she is "Aunt" and so am I. My parents consider her a daughter. They love her as much as I do.

We were deep in conversation tonight because my friend is currently going through a double mourning period. She is mourning one friendship- (we'll call her Lydia) and re-mourning her former bff  - (we'll call her Agnes) who she lost because Agnes felt that she had sided with Lydia (Agnes & Lydia had a falling out - my girl was caught in the middle). We were discussing the friends in our lives, how they come in, the depth of the friendship at the time, and how the friendship changes over the years. My friend considered Agnes to be the "sitting on the porch at the nursing home" friend - the one she would still be BFFs with at the end of her life. That friendship will never be the same....... and it causes my friend great pain.

I had a break up like that once. Another 3sum (not that kind of 3sum), and my 2 friends had a falling out, I was caught in the middle - and eventually had a confrontation with 1 of them.  After an uncomfortable meeting I called her on the phone and said, "Are you breaking up with me?" and she started screaming at me. And I screamed back. We called each other names.  It was brutal. And when the phone call was done, I hung up and sobbed like someone had died. And someone did - our friendship. It was the worse breakup of my life! Years passed, and we reconciled to the point where we can have coffee together about once a year - but that is it.... it will never be the same again.

Do I have one BFF? No.... I have a few..... Different BFFs for different situations. I love them all (and by all - I DO mean VERY few). I think they will be forever......... but if they aren't, they are at least for now!

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