Friday, October 30, 2009

BFFs - really?

I had dinner tonight with my BFF....  I laugh when I say that because we've been friends for over 20 years...... and in those 20 years we have been through SO much together- but we've never been BFFs. We consider each other sisters (neither of us have), but we're not the call each other everyday, lets go shopping kind of friends.  We're the of "911" kind of friends - we have a pact where if one of us ever texts 911 it means that we need each other immediately - drop whatever you are doing, wherever you are - I need you and ONLY you because only you will understand the crisis I am going through.  Our husbands are actually the BFF talk to you everyday kind of friends.

We met as young women who thought we knew and had it all. We laugh at the girls we were and take pride in the women we've become.  We also confide in each other about the "BFFs" that come into each of our lives. (Ironically, my bff just text me). Our families consider each other family, she is "Aunt" and so am I. My parents consider her a daughter. They love her as much as I do.

We were deep in conversation tonight because my friend is currently going through a double mourning period. She is mourning one friendship- (we'll call her Lydia) and re-mourning her former bff  - (we'll call her Agnes) who she lost because Agnes felt that she had sided with Lydia (Agnes & Lydia had a falling out - my girl was caught in the middle). We were discussing the friends in our lives, how they come in, the depth of the friendship at the time, and how the friendship changes over the years. My friend considered Agnes to be the "sitting on the porch at the nursing home" friend - the one she would still be BFFs with at the end of her life. That friendship will never be the same....... and it causes my friend great pain.

I had a break up like that once. Another 3sum (not that kind of 3sum), and my 2 friends had a falling out, I was caught in the middle - and eventually had a confrontation with 1 of them.  After an uncomfortable meeting I called her on the phone and said, "Are you breaking up with me?" and she started screaming at me. And I screamed back. We called each other names.  It was brutal. And when the phone call was done, I hung up and sobbed like someone had died. And someone did - our friendship. It was the worse breakup of my life! Years passed, and we reconciled to the point where we can have coffee together about once a year - but that is it.... it will never be the same again.

Do I have one BFF? No.... I have a few..... Different BFFs for different situations. I love them all (and by all - I DO mean VERY few). I think they will be forever......... but if they aren't, they are at least for now!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Young heart, wise head... can the two play nice?

For the first time in a long time I am coming off of a 3AM night out. I've done lots of 1 and 2AM nights futzin around on the computer.....  but I haven't had a late LATE night out in a long time. Granted, it was for a birthday party but I've been thinking about the days of old when 2 and 3AM meant time to hit the diner for some breakfast after a night of partying. I was reminded of this because one of the 'young' ladies who was at the party asked that very question at 3:15 when we were dispersing for the ride home - "Aren't we going to the diner for breakfast? ha ha"  Ha ha? All I could think of was how good my pillow was going to feel.

And.........  it was a good decision to come home.  After sleeping in (as much as my body allows me to sleep in these days) I awoke to coffee (because the wise head in me said 'stay up 5 minutes longer and set your coffee up for the morning - you are going to need it') and a VERY tired looking face. And a tired body. 
OH - and did I mention that the coffee isn't cutting it?  Oh no - I am a tired girl this morning. 

I knew this was going to be the case though. That is the difference between the young and experienced. Back in the day I would go hard and never give the next day a thought.  I would wake tired but ready to tackle the day. Now I go into an evening anticipating the next few day's events because I know that the young heart in me directly affects the way I do things the next few days. Although I have a free day today, I have a long work day tomorrow and I went into last night thinking about how late I would sleep in, how tired I'd be - what my plans were for tonight and if I would still be feeling it when I get ready for work tomorrow. I chose to keep the drinks at a minimum and the water at a maximum.

As I read this though I sound like an old fart. Really I'm not. Actually I have the heart and spirit most days of a gal in her late 20s, early 30s. I feel young in my heart. In fact, I like to be the life of the party. I have had many memorable evenings which my friends love to bring up when we're together. This is probably because while my friends were partying in their 20s, I was raising my family. I had a rebellious couple of years recently that would make any 20-something gal proud. The problem is - I'm not that 20 something gal and the consequences are not worth it.

So how do you live with a young spirited heart when your wise head says PROCEED WITH CAUTION?!? Just like I'm doing. I look for opportunities to have fun and seize them. But I also anticipate what those opportunities will cost me and act appropriately instead of with wreckless abandon.

I can still party with the best of them.............  but BOY I love my pillow when it's over!!!